Closing the laptop.
I’ve entered a state of depression and deep anxiety due to the fact that I have a test tomorrow, the contents of which, as hard as I study, I can’t seem to master.
That says a lot, to me, about the state of education in this country, maybe the world.
So many fucked up things are going on as we speak, from climate change, ISIS and the war of ideologies, even the terrorism caused by drug cartels in my immediate area (south Texas). Regardless of all the life threatening, life altering afflictions my environment is facing, that 35 question test is what is filling me with this angst.
Why? Ohhhh oh ho ho… I’ll tell you why.
I’ve been programmed, as we all have, to believe that without the grades, the resume, without abiding by the very precise, very specific path set forth for us as a road to “success”, we won’t reach financial stability. (Excuse the run-on) Because of that, that test tomorrow becomes the obsessive compulsive link to my future success and inevitably my future happiness.
If I fail that test, according to my pre-programmed conscience, I’ve failed myself, my family, and my life. That’s a hell of a lot of stress.
The test defines me. The test manifests itself in the GPA, the GPA ends up on the resume, and in a millisecond a glance at that number determines how far I’ll get?
Is that true? Not always. Logically there are exceptions. Can it be true? Sometimes. Sometimes, most times, we are judged by that number, and by the test, and by the degree, and school, and resume.
Will I ever be judged for who I am as a person, and not a number or paper?
No. We just don’t have the time.
I wish I knew or was closer to the people I interact with on Tumblr… I guess that’s the nature of the realm. Sigh.